Circle of Trust

What just happened? We used to be so open to each other. No secrets. That is our agreement. The thousand miles that separates us did not seem to matter. We chat every minute we got the chance,every day. We talk just about everything to make it feel like we are living together. That was our agreement, our set up,wasn’t it? But lately, communication has been bad. First, I thought it was just because you are busy preparing for the coming Christmas parties and all that family stuff. I presumed that you are all over the place sorting out everything needed for the family gatherings. Then, I found out something. You are keeping secrets. If I had not confronted you, I would not have known because you would not tell me.

I’m glad that you didn’t deny it when I confronted you, I will give you that. You said you were worried that I might not let you do it, that I might not understand your plan and would be upset with it. So you kept it secret. God knows I tried,and still trying to rationalize all the facts that you’ve told me. It is not a crime of the century what you’ve done neither a thing that should brake up a happy marriage, but there is a tiny thing that pinches my heart and my pride. It is the most important ingredient in a relationship, without  this everything will be in chaos, and that is TRUST

Some people can easily forgive those who betrayed their trust. I t doesn’t seem to be a big thing for them. How they do it, I don’t know, I wish I do. But sadly, I am not some people, I wish I was. I would rather you told me straight away. Okay, fair enough, I’m stubborn, hot-headed,selfish, controlling freak. In case you haven’t noticed, I am also a protective freak!

Yes, I am very protective of all the people I love and I vowed to do it as long as I am alive and able. I always make sure you are all safe. I am doing my best to make sure you are all okay,happy,protected from hurt both physically and emotionally. How blind can you be not to see that? How dare you! In all those years we have been together, I thought you have known me inside and out. Guess I was wrong. Why did you not think that I would be upset being lied to? Being disrespected?

You should have taken the risk of being open to me. I would have understand. Of all people, why would I not be happy that you are taking big steps in your life. I tried so hard to convince you that you have potentials, I tried so hard to make you realize that you are far more better than any of your siblings. You, among everyone else, should have known that I would understand. It is what I have always done and will always do.

Now, what happens next? I can not give you back my whole trust. You broke the circle of trust. And that circle, if you really know me, is my sanctuary. You know that,don’t you?

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